come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
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