she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Randomize
