so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Randomize