sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Randomize
