The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Randomize
