I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
