I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
I just threw up on my dentist
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
I have tasted many bathrooms
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
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