I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize