I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
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