You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
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