Your mouth is God's brothel.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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