I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
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