Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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