i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
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