Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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