apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Randomize
