I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
