Midget sex pt 2 tonight
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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