The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Holy shit dude........stairs
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