i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
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