If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Randomize
