You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
