we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Randomize