I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
