my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Randomize
