Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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