haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
