I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
Randomize