wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Randomize
