I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Randomize
