I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
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