gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
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