I didn't shave. On purpose
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
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