Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
