Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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