You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
Did I show you my penis last night?
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
