the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
