Just fell off a train. Bad.
I accidentally burped into my bong.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
