I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
