dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
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