just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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