I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
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