This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
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