i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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