Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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