I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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