Me too!
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
