Where is the hickey?
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
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