just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Found your dick twin last night
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Randomize
