Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
