I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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