Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize