My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
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