Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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