I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Randomize
