he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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