I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I need water and some morals
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
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