im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
Randomize
