I can't breathe out the right side of my face
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
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