i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Randomize
