I got her a Nickelback box set.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
