listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
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