I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
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