the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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