I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Randomize
