I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
