so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
