Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
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