I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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