I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Randomize
