Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Randomize
