and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Randomize
