Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
