hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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