omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Randomize
