For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
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