you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
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