How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
