I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
