i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
