Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
