OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
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