Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Randomize
