Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
I have post one night stand depression
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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