Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
Randomize
