I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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