I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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