yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
