she smelled like a LAN party
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
