Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
Rock
Scissors
Fuck
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
