I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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