I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Randomize
