dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Randomize
