i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
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