To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
She said her name was "party"
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
