end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
My vagina just recognized that song.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
