soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Randomize
