So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Randomize
