I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
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