I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
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