Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
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