areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Randomize
