Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Randomize
