More tranny stories later!
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
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