im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
well you can't waste a boner
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Randomize
