did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Randomize
