I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Randomize
