She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
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