can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Randomize
