My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
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