Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
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