I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
