The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
