i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
nutella sex= disaster
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize
