My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
