I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
