i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
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